A lot of my friends amuse me because of how they go about relationships. Take the other day, for example, when I bumped into a friend/classmate in the main cafeteria.

She was in a relationship that lasted 2.5 years, broke up two months ago. She broke it off, I recall her mentioning because the relationship had turned rather dull, though when it ended, it hurt a lot more than she has expected.

I bump into her in the cafeteria, and she’s with a charming boy who does not look 24, and my inner radar goes off, saying ‘This guys is ridiculously into her. And she looks like she’s really into him’.

We talk for a bit, then leave them to their meal, and the next day in our Interview class (which is where for the past month, she’s been going off about how love doesn’t exist, and how love is a lie— it’s a sort of inside-class-joke triggered by a game of word-association, but there’s a bit of resentment in her declarations), she finally dishes out the latest gossip:

They met Saturday through her sister’s boyfriend, he came to visit her at her house on Sunday, just to hang out, then on Monday, they decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Sweet Jesus, she moves fast!

From what she described, it was a case of inexplicably overwhelming infatuation, so she instantly got my blessing, and the way they approached it was very straightforward, which made them earn brownie points in my book.

‘We don’t know what this is, we have no control over it, we’re just going to see where it goes.’

Good for them!

__________ . . . __________

I think that might be my next challenge, next time there’s something emotional going on with a guy. Or at least another one for the list… I need to write down the list.

Break the door open to the freaking whirlwind, and just go with it.

Actually, I already did that with Prince Charming.

I’m actually kind of really proud of that.

Kenz was very sweet about keeping me in check saying things like ‘Glad you’re happy and everything, but do you know what you’re doing, don’t you?’ and reminding me to be careful.

We do things like that for each other.

I fell as hard as I’ve ever fallen, no restraints, gave fully into the infatuation and the falling in love, and actually loving the guy, and yes, the breakup did sting a bit, but I survived in one piece with no emotional backlash or collateral damage.

Huh... For being my last breakup, I’m getting rather good at coping with things.

I’m actually growing up!

So I know I’m capable, now it’s simply dealing with the phobia that surrounds it.

I have such a hard time opening up emotionally and allowing people to tear down through that wall of self-defensive detachment, that it keeps me from enjoying the full experience of things. It’s always one step removed, which, while still a whole hell of a lot of fun, there’s that ‘Yeah, honey, good for you for making it this far, but the yellow line is right there, and this is as far as you get.’

Or maybe that kind of emotional vulnerability is too much to ask just right now.

The idea of something serious, let alone anything long-term is repulsive to me right now. Just the idea of it makes me dread. I’m in the mood for something fun and spontaneous and undemanding, yet in a way meaningful.

Which is, ironically— and this just hit me— exactly what I have now, and something I didn’t even consciously get into.

It just kind of… happened, and it’s the same concept as with my classmate— I have no idea what the hell this is, it’s out of my control, in my particular case, nothing I’ve ever done, something way out of my comfort zone... hell, I’m just going with it.

I’m just going with it, and having fun. And there isn’t all that relationship crap to mud up the picture, and yet it is substantial. It’s not just ‘some fling’. It doesn’t fall in the category of romantic attachments, but there is an emotional attachment, there is an actual friendship going on in the background.

And as always, I muse over the psychological implications something so outlandish like this might have, but as always, it's too much fun for me to care right now, and whatever the price, it's worth it. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Why keep the breaks on — let's misbehave!