My aunt is known to give us self-help books to aid in our unfortunate state of spinsterhood. Out of boredom, I was browsing through ‘Why Men Love Bitches’. While I’m all for what it says about being independent, and not a doormat, and generally giving yourself your well-deserved place, It suggests we have to tip-toe around a man and his sense of masculinity, lest we completely and utterly emasculate him.

Suggests manipulative things like ‘let him think he’s in charge, while you get your way’.

I mean, I like the competition? Need it to some extent? But we all know I’ll eventually give in (if it’s someone with topping rights), I just need that bit of struggle to justify my giving in. Being in control annoys me. I don’t choose other switches or dominants for friends and potential partners on a whim. I like being put in my place, finding the banter a real turn on, even if it borderlines of emotional abuse (not really, but I do have a masochistic craving for it).

Still, it’s all playful fun. These ‘wars of the sexes’ and power struggle in the relationship isn’t actually a problem, or even taken seriously, yet the book suggests to take it seriously, and make sure you use every passive-aggressive tactic to get your way regardless.

She’s also treating male egos like they’re this helpless, fragile thing.

I’ve had my share of babying vulnerable boys whose egos get hurt by the mere act of verbal teasing.

See, that is just ridiculous. And it gets old very, very fast.

If I have to tip-toe around a guy’s sense of self- worth, then there’s some self-esteem issues there that are essentially not my dog. And as such, they can either get their shit together, or not. Their choice.

That kind of behavior doesn’t earn my respect, let alone any topping rights.

A phrase that ticked me off— Men don’t respond to words, they respond to no contact—really just really wanted to make me smack the author in the back of the head and blame her for the lack of communication in relationships. Same with withholding sex. That’s just cruel. I get the girl might not always be in the mood, but to deliberately withhold sex to get her way? That’s just too low.

They suggest you use sex as a weapon, or a bargaining chip, encouraging stereotypes that are essentially harmful.

And since a guy needs to feel he’s always right, you manipulate him into making him think things were his brilliant idea, convince him he thought about it all by himself,

‘he’ll put a lot more effort to please you, if he thinks he’s in charge’

Talks about how a guy will show his true colors, eventually… but so do manipulative women who take on all these artificial behaviors.

I dare any woman to make a point of remaining a cold-hearted, manipulative bitch 24/7 and never open up or show a chip in her armor to her lover.

I’m all for things being a game and competition. It’s so much fun being infatuated with someone, and knowing the other person is infatuated with you, and seeing who caves in first.

What is not fun, is everything being some sort of manipulative plot to get a guy to walk into your cage, and next thing you know, you haven’t even trimmed his wings, but rather pinioned the damn things.

Even less fun, is keeping up the act 24/7.

All that fucking passive-aggressive, manipulative behavior annoys the hell out of me.

It is so much easier to be straightforward, lay all your cards on the ground, and let the chips fall where they may.

But… you know, social conventions and social protocol just have to make this into a freaking tango dance sans the sexy, with the chick topping from the bottom. Which as my darling dance partners will know, is not cool lol.