With a Sense of Poise and Rationality

"Let's just say I was testing the bounds of reality. I was curious to see what would happen. That's all it was: curiosity.”—Jim Morrison

The ever so mundane ramblings and musings, perhaps the pointless rantings and railings of an existential little nymphet in a constant state of change and transformation, for the sake of hedonism and self-awareness.

"Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to." — Dorian Gray

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. Prudence is a rich ugly old maid courted by Incapacity. He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence."— The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

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With a Sense of Poise and Rationality

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 || 12:18 AM

My family is out of its freaking mind.

It's 1:30am, last night I didn't go to bed till 5am, and we're all in the studio, supposedly doing homework. Except, I was done 2 hours ago. Well, maybe not 'done', but did enough for the night, and will continue after a good night's rest. If I ever get any.

I have no idea how it happened, but it had to have been due to my being a little too feisty, and biting a bit more than I could chew when teasing Rafael.

At some point, there was this pact to stay up until everyone was done with work. A pact I had nothing to do with, but was forced, because I teased Rafael a bit too much, rebelling and just being generally bitchy just to piss him off.

We're laughing our asses off, the way people will, when sleep deprivation piles up.

They refuse to let me leave the studio.

I am being held hostage.

I thought I could escape when we took a break to eat something, since my room is near the kitchen, but the moment they saw me straying from the path, Rafael stepped on the tail of the blanket I have around my shoulders, and forced me back up to the studio.

Then I tried to sneak out when they were working, but I was tied down to the chair.

And it doesn't help we saw that scene in Tomcats, with the kinky librarian, because now, they've killed the word 'kink', the way they kill any and every word they obsess over.

Rafael is studying for Archiecture, Paola is doing some fashion designs, I'm... reading stuff... and we're all verbally abusing and humiliating eachother.

I keep lashing out, which only earns me that dismissive "Oh, how cute. Resistance is futile." reaction I hate so much.

And I learned today that insomnia screws with the growth hormone (......no wonder I'm so tiny D: ), and it kills memory, and it makes you age faster, and something about cortizol levels.

Which means I'm essentially screwed anyway.

It's not fair losing when every threat issued out is countered with "I'm the one with the shotguns in his room."

It totally kills the menacing effect I was going for.

I hate being held hostage.

Good god, and apparently because I don't have to go to class until 10am, while they have to go at 8-9am, I get harsher punishment.