With a Sense of Poise and Rationality

"Let's just say I was testing the bounds of reality. I was curious to see what would happen. That's all it was: curiosity.”—Jim Morrison

The ever so mundane ramblings and musings, perhaps the pointless rantings and railings of an existential little nymphet in a constant state of change and transformation, for the sake of hedonism and self-awareness.

"Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to." — Dorian Gray

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. Prudence is a rich ugly old maid courted by Incapacity. He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence."— The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

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With a Sense of Poise and Rationality

Saturday, June 18, 2011 || 2:05 PM

I haven’t quite reached my balance yet. I’m prone to excess, so if the first 3 weeks were focused on dwelling in melancholy and despair, these last ten days, and the next ten to follow will have been sheer escapism.

These last ten days were spent with A’s family in the most epic and bizarre visit ever, characterized by its nonchalance over a variety of events that should have had us going “wtf?” but didn’t.

Nonchalance is awesome.

The dynamic in the group has changed considerably and we’ve all grown and developed so much that old prejudices and assumptions are no longer valid or applicable.

Getting used to dealing with loss. When I complained that everyone was leaving and I was the only one staying in the country, she pointed out that I did it first to them when I moved to Laguna.

And it’s true. I always leave first, and it’s only been until recently that I’ve had to deal with that kind of loss.

These last ten days made up for the bad rut I’ve been all this time. Again, it’s like that saying— how for every good thing you pay an equal price in sorrow; it’s not just ‘oh, for every good thing there’s bound to be something bad’. No, you have to be willing to pay for happiness with an equivalent amount of unhappiness for there to be a balance.

The move is going on. I’m excited for it. And that ten day break of fun and escapism was exactly what I needed to recharge my batteries and trigger back my motivation.

Now I’m eager to go to SF once I scratch out enough cash for it.

I have a bunch of people I need to visit. When I do Canada, it will probably be during the summer, and it will be a month long trip; 2 weeks in Winnipeg, 2 weeks in Edmonton, so I can see my girls. I want to kill two birds with one stone, because the damn VISA requirements are just such bullshit with their ‘Single Entrance’ nonsense.

K comes in on Monday, so I’m thrilled to have my K back.