With a Sense of Poise and Rationality

"Let's just say I was testing the bounds of reality. I was curious to see what would happen. That's all it was: curiosity.”—Jim Morrison

The ever so mundane ramblings and musings, perhaps the pointless rantings and railings of an existential little nymphet in a constant state of change and transformation, for the sake of hedonism and self-awareness.

"Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to." — Dorian Gray

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. Prudence is a rich ugly old maid courted by Incapacity. He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence."— The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

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With a Sense of Poise and Rationality

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 || 12:14 AM

Interesting week full of bizarre, though encouraging experiences!

I know I’m the type of person who does generally good at anything I channel my obsessive personality trait into. But just because I’m good at something, doesn’t mean it’s the right road to follow.

Knowing that you’d be good at something differs greatly from actually being good at it.

And so for all my theoretical and practical knowledge on a plethora of subjects, none of it is worth much of anything if I lack the skills to actually help people through them.

Which has always been a great fear of mine.

Until this last week.

I’ve somehow been suddenly taken as a ‘personal consultant’ of sorts, helping people with subjects ranging from types of hormonal birth control, novice masturbation, to introducing kink into the bedroom, to holy shit actually teaching a novice how to top, as well as the psychological and emotional implications of engaging in safe D/s and pain play.

The thing that surprised me? Nothing felt out of my reach, and I delivered with all the professionalism of… well, a professional.

I knew what I was talking about, felt very confident about it, and I didn’t feel that panic I feel on written tests where I’m being questioned on my knowledge about something, and feel the need to bullshit my way through it.

This was no ‘practice exercise’ no roleplay inside the classroom, no testing the waters with strangers. This was the real deal aaaaand I nailed it.

Shit just got real, man.

The most gratifying thing is seeing the results and just how happy the people are.

The sweetest, most encouraging thing has been listening to people just thank me because if it hadn’t been for my constant talk about kink, sex and sexuality around them (which I’d just assumed fell into deaf ears), they wouldn’t know the things they now, or be where they are now.

The result? Sex-positive, self-aware, health-conscious and adventurous individuals.

In only one generation, too.

I’m actually good at this!
There are visible and tangible results.
There are actual testimonials from actual people!

It’s impossible to describe the thrill I get every time I get to help someone grow into their sexuality, clarify myths or misconceptions, or help couples adjust to each other’s kinks.

Now as for me? I’m growing, evolving, generally exploring.

My current headspace? I feel I’m over submitting, over the Masochistic Top, and going into Sadistic Top headspace.

Very, very excited about it. Mainly because it implies the Happy Sadist Dance

I've had wonderful, wonderful teachers (and victims to practice on).